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How to Have People Over

So how do you have people over exactly? Are you looking for a step by step guide to showing hospitality? Well here it is. 

First, think about why you want to have people over. Yes, hospitality is a Biblical command. But what is the purpose of this particular gathering? As Kendra Adiche AKA The Lazy Genius says, “Name what matters.” Do you want to get to know your neighbors? Are you worried someone in your church is lonely? Is this get together a Bible study, and therefore the purpose is to study God’s word? Do you want to have fun and build deeper friendships? The why of your gathering will help you make a lot of decisions such as whom to invite, what activities you will offer, and whether or not to serve food. Although she isn’t a Christian, Priya Parker is an excellent resource to help you think about the purpose of your hospitality. 

Second, invite people. Pray about the people God would like you to invite into your home. Then call, text, email, send an evite or a written invitation. For dinner, especially with new people, I like to invite people 2-3 weeks before the anticipated dinner. For something more formal such as a baby shower or birthday party, a month to six weeks notice is helpful. Bonus: send a reminder text the day before saying you’re looking forward to seeing the guest at your event. 

Next, decide what food or drinks you are serving, if you are serving sustenance at all. I ask people if they have any food allergies before they come over. Please don’t stress about this. People with serious food allergies often bring their own food to other people’s homes. Whatever you serve, make sure it’s something you have made before and can prepare easily. Hint: I make the same meal every time we have people over for dinner. 

Purchase any food or necessary supplies. Do you need to buy a bag of ice? Do you need supplies for an activity at this gathering? 

Think of a few questions you want to ask your guests. If you don’t know the guests well, you’ll want to start with more surface level questions. As you get to know guests better, you can ask deeper questions. How was your week? What activities are your kids involved in? How is your mother recovering from her surgery? Have you listened to anything good lately or read any good books? Do you have plans for the summer? 

Tidy and clean your home a bit. This is where many people panic. Your home does not have to be spotless. Clean one toilet and sink. Sweep or vacuum. If you’re preparing food, make sure the kitchen is clean. Do not stress out about the state of your home. Most people have messes in their homes. Remember why you’re doing this. You’re not having a photo shoot for Better Homes and Gardens magazine. You’re showing Biblical hospitality.

Show the hospitality. Make people feel welcome in your home. Enjoy your guests. Pro tip: I like to stop cooking and cleaning ten minutes before people arrive. In the last ten minutes I like to get a drink of water, pee and maybe apply lipstick. This helps me feel a little less frantic.

Thank people for coming. The people who come over have chosen to spend time with you. Thank your guests for coming. Bonus: reach out a few days later to thank guests for coming and ask a follow up question based on your conversation in your home. You could also let the guest know you’re praying about a specific situation in their lives. 

Clean up and retrospective. While you’re doing the dishes, you could pray and thank God for your guests and for the ability to show hospitality. After a gathering sometimes I’ll ask my family what went well and what we could do differently next time. 

And that’s it. It doesn’t have to be fancy. You can make people feel welcome in your home. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How often do you invite people into your home? Would you like to practice hospitality? Could you make a plan to invite someone over in the next thirty days? I’d love for you to send me an email at tacohospitality@gmail.com or chat about this on Instagram. You can and you will get better as you practice having guests in your home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hosting a Homeschool Kids Book Club

Do you feel overwhelmed at the thought of hosting eight extra people for dinner? Me too. But you can show hospitality without serving dinner. Consider demonstrating Christian hospitality where you simply invite others to join you in something you’re already doing. Perhaps you invite a new neighbor to walk with you one morning. Maybe you invite a family to join you for you weekly trip to the park. 

 

In our house, we’re already reading and discussing books, so I chose to show hospitality this summer with a Homeschool Kids Book Club. My eight year old son actually asked me to write about our most recent book club because he had so much fun he wanted kids all over the world to experience it.

 

Here’s how to host a homeschool kids book club. We started with an evite pictured above. (Side note: we didn’t get to do water balloons as we had planned because praise God it rained, ending a LONG streak of 100+ degree days.) Because we’re homeschoolers we fully expect older and younger siblings to attend our book club, and I believe a great picture book gives the whole family something to enjoy and discuss. And Jonas Hanway’s Scurrilous, Scandalous, Shockingly Sensational Umbrella is a fantastic picture book biography that delighted all of us. 

 

On the day of the book club, I let the kids play for the first thirty minutes or so because they everyone was so excited to see each other. We served hot tea, juice boxes, cookies (thanks, Mom, for the cookie dough!) and fruit. And then I asked my dear friend, Jillian, to read the book aloud because she does the best British accent of anyone I know.

My three year old and I listening to the story. Here’s the shirt I wore to book club.

After our refreshments and reading I asked a few questions about the book.

1) Did anything surprise you about this book?

2) Could you use an umbrella for years if no one else in your country did?

3) Did this book make you think of any other books? (In the back matter, when we read about Jonas Hanway fighting to protect little children who were chimney sweeps, I thought about Sweep.)

4) What was your favorite word in this book? (Mine was scurrilous.)

Then we analyzed the beautiful illustrations by looking the pages, including the end papers, to see every time the orange cat appeared. There were a few I missed and a child pointed out to me. Next, I showed everyone (mostly the grown ups) the gentleman in the khaki colored trench coat that I think looks like His Royal Highness, Prince Charles. That was it. The kids played loudly while the moms talked.

So that’s one way you can show hospitality without hosting a dinner party. Have you ever shown hospitality by inviting others to join you in something you’re already doing? 

Practice Makes Hospitality Easier

Practice Makes Hospitality Easier

Do you think you’re bad at hospitality? Switch to a growth mindset. You can and you will get better as you practice having guests in your home.

Shinichi Suzuki believed any healthy child could learn to play the violin. No one is born knowing how to play the violin, and Suzuki believed anyone could learn with enough practice. I think it’s the same with hospitality. Every time you invite people to come over, it gets easier. And yes, I am that Suzuki homeschool mother who started all of her children in violin lessons when they were three years old.

(Hey, notice the bin in the bottom right corner of that photo? I was sorely tempted to edit or crop that out, but then I remembered to stop worrying about how clean my house is.)

Suzuki was all about immersion, having children listen daily to recordings of the pieces they were going to learn how to play. If you want to make having guests over easier, immerse yourself in hospitality. Read books about hospitality. Study Bible verses that reference hospitality such as 1 Peter 4:9 and Romans 12:13. Ask great hosts you know for their advice. Listen to this podcast about hospitality on the fly from Kendra Adachi, AKA The Lazy Genius.

And then practice. Truly, demonstrating hospitality does get easier the more you do it. You start to remember things like drinks before everyone is seated with their plates. And you learn what is really helpful when someone asks you, “What can I bring?” Maybe you say it’s helpful if someone brings dessert. But then after hosting a few times, you realize you love baking and miss it, so it’s really most beneficial for someone to bring drinks or a vegetable. 

We become better conversationalists the more we invite people into our homes. We get better at asking thoughtful questions and sharing meaningful, funny stories from our lives. After hosting different groups of people we learn what topics and games work best for larger groups, and what is best for smaller, intimate gatherings. Remember it doesn’t have to be dinner. You can practice having people over by hosting playdates, book club, brunch, or game nights.

How often do you invite people into your home? Would you like to practice hospitality? Could you make a plan to invite someone over in the next thirty days? I’d love for you to send me an email at tacohospitality@gmail.com or chat about this on Instagram. You can and you will get better as you practice having guests in your home.

What Do You Do When No One Shows Up

What Do You Do When No One Shows Up

What do you do when no one shows up? Sometimes our offers of hospitality are rejected. You send an evite and people respond “maybe” and never commit and never show up. Or you invite a bunch of people from church to come over for lunch after Sunday service and none of them come. You start to wonder if you are off putting in some way. Or you get mad and think everyone is selfish and unkind. Perhaps you are so tired of not having true community that you consider leaving your church.

 

When your hospitality is rejected, it is painful. Our feelings get hurt when we try to demonstrate hospitality and no one wants it. I have been there. It’s a struggle to respond appropriately.

Take it to the Lord. Pray about the situation. Ask God to help you with your feelings and show you how he would have you demonstrate hospitality in the future. Read books about hospitality like The Gospel Comes With a House Key by Rosario Butterfield or True Community by Jerry Bridges. Listen to a sermon on Romans 12:13.

 

 

Some churches are great at showing hospitality and “doing life together”, but some aren’t. Several of my friends in churches across the country have experienced a couple of lonely years. It’s heartbreaking. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of loneliness and disappointment. You are not the only one who invites people into your home only to have your hospitality rejected. It took me many years to develop close friendships in my church, and the primary way I developed these friendships was through hospitality.

 

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 

If you’re in a church and struggling to get to know the other parishioners, pray about it. If God can part the Red Sea, he can change the hearts of a church to make people more hospitable. Perhaps you could ask an elder or women’s ministry leader if there’s a community group you could join or start. 

 

Practically speaking about rejected hospitality, there’s a few things I recommend. First, cast a wide net, meaning invite several different people and/or families when you host something. I prefer a mix of old friends and new acquaintances. This isn’t always possible, especially if you’ve moved to a new area. But don’t give up. Keep offering hospitality. Try inviting a different group or family next time. Maybe make it a mix of people from church and neighbors. Make your gathering a blend of singles, young couples and retirees. (Sidenote: retirees are delightful guests because they will not stay until late.) Persevere. It is painful when our offers of friendship and welcoming are rejected, but you will get through it. God can use this disappointment for good.

 

My experiences of hospitality being rejected made me more aware of the importance of hospitality and extremely grateful for anyone who invited me to do anything. My husband and I are not taking it for granted when people want to spend time with us. Any time someone invites us over we try to say yes. If we can’t, we try to suggest another day or time that would work for our family. When we had babies we left gatherings early to put the kids to bed, but we showed up when someone invited us over.

 

And my final tip: if you’re hosting something and you have reason to believe people are going to flake on you, babysit your guests before the event. What I mean by that is, text and email reminders saying something like, “I’m looking forward to seeing you Tuesday for dinner!” Give them a printed or handwritten invitation and a text message reminder. Reach out through multiple mediums.

 

Have you ever had your hospitality rejected? How do you cope when this happens? I’d love for you to send me an email at tacohospitality@gmail.com or chat about this on Instagram.

 

 

Stop Worrying About How Clean Your House Is

Stop Worrying About How Clean Your House Is

When people tell me why they don’t show hospitality or invite people over they typically say, “I can’t have people over because my house is dirty. ” Please stop worrying about how clean your home is and just invite someone over. People want friendship more than they want spotless floors. Quit worrying about whatever is splattered in your microwave. In her book Welcome Home, Myquillyn Smith aka The Nester writes, “Hospitality is a high form of trust. It says, Here’s my mess, here are my unfinished things, and here’s the truth about me. Knowing you better is worth risking your knowing me better. If you’re a Christian inviting other Christians into your home, you’re inviting your brothers and sisters in Christ to share a meal with you. I don’t know about you, but I’m not that worried about how my house looks if my brother comes over. He’s my brother. We’re siblings for life. If I have a pile of dishes in the sink I’m not worried that he will think less of me. Which brings me to my next point: your value as a human being does not change if your home is messy. Now let’s talk about practical solutions if a messy or dirty house is keeping you from inviting people to come over to your home. If you want to have people over, but you’re in a season of life where time doesn’t permit you to clean up as much as you’d like, pretend it’s May 2020 and invite a friend to have lemonade with you on your porch. Remember hanging out with friends outside? Sometimes people use the strategy of inviting people over as motivation to clean. I totally get that. I do get more clutter put away when we’re having people over for dinner than I do if we’re just cleaning up for ourselves. But seriously, people are more important than things. Invite someone  into your home. You’ve heard it a thousand times and it’s still good advice: stop worrying about what other people think. Maybe your house really, truly is dirty, but you want to show hospitality and need solutions. You’re aware the place won’t look like an Instagram post, but you want it to be better, more welcoming and less germy. Just clean one toilet and one sink. That only takes five minutes, and it’s really all you have to do in my opinion. Bonus if you can take 60 seconds to clean the mirror and put out a clean hand towel. Don’t have time for laundry and need a clean hand towel for your bathroom? Get thee to a Dollar Tree for a pack of disposable guest towels. They’re like paper napkins, but rectangles. Still have a few minutes? Wipe off the table and kitchen counters. Boom. Clean enough. Next, can you outsource something? Could you pay a child fifty cents to vacuum? Do you have a roomba that could vacuum for you? I’ve trained my kids to pick up the main living area before someone comes over. Usually I say, “I need you to pick up all of the cars and put them in the car drawer so Mrs. Jones doesn’t trip when she gets here in twenty minutes.” They’re great helpers because we’ve practiced preparing for guests so often. Finally, please know that you can show hospitality with a messy home. You can make people feel welcome no matter what your home looks like. Do you have a cleaning trick before company comes over? What holds you back from showing hospitality?