What do you do when no one shows up? Sometimes our offers of hospitality are rejected. You send an evite and people respond “maybe” and never commit and never show up. Or you invite a bunch of people from church to come over for lunch after Sunday service and none of them come. You start to wonder if you are off putting in some way. Or you get mad and think everyone is selfish and unkind. Perhaps you are so tired of not having true community that you consider leaving your church.

 

When your hospitality is rejected, it is painful. Our feelings get hurt when we try to demonstrate hospitality and no one wants it. I have been there. It’s a struggle to respond appropriately.

Take it to the Lord. Pray about the situation. Ask God to help you with your feelings and show you how he would have you demonstrate hospitality in the future. Read books about hospitality like The Gospel Comes With a House Key by Rosario Butterfield or True Community by Jerry Bridges. Listen to a sermon on Romans 12:13.

 

 

Some churches are great at showing hospitality and “doing life together”, but some aren’t. Several of my friends in churches across the country have experienced a couple of lonely years. It’s heartbreaking. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of loneliness and disappointment. You are not the only one who invites people into your home only to have your hospitality rejected. It took me many years to develop close friendships in my church, and the primary way I developed these friendships was through hospitality.

 

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter‬ ‭4:8-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 

If you’re in a church and struggling to get to know the other parishioners, pray about it. If God can part the Red Sea, he can change the hearts of a church to make people more hospitable. Perhaps you could ask an elder or women’s ministry leader if there’s a community group you could join or start. 

 

Practically speaking about rejected hospitality, there’s a few things I recommend. First, cast a wide net, meaning invite several different people and/or families when you host something. I prefer a mix of old friends and new acquaintances. This isn’t always possible, especially if you’ve moved to a new area. But don’t give up. Keep offering hospitality. Try inviting a different group or family next time. Maybe make it a mix of people from church and neighbors. Make your gathering a blend of singles, young couples and retirees. (Sidenote: retirees are delightful guests because they will not stay until late.) Persevere. It is painful when our offers of friendship and welcoming are rejected, but you will get through it. God can use this disappointment for good.

 

My experiences of hospitality being rejected made me more aware of the importance of hospitality and extremely grateful for anyone who invited me to do anything. My husband and I are not taking it for granted when people want to spend time with us. Any time someone invites us over we try to say yes. If we can’t, we try to suggest another day or time that would work for our family. When we had babies we left gatherings early to put the kids to bed, but we showed up when someone invited us over.

 

And my final tip: if you’re hosting something and you have reason to believe people are going to flake on you, babysit your guests before the event. What I mean by that is, text and email reminders saying something like, “I’m looking forward to seeing you Tuesday for dinner!” Give them a printed or handwritten invitation and a text message reminder. Reach out through multiple mediums.

 

Have you ever had your hospitality rejected? How do you cope when this happens? I’d love for you to send me an email at tacohospitality@gmail.com or chat about this on Instagram.

 

 

When people tell me why they don’t show hospitality or invite people over they typically say, “I can’t have people over because my house is dirty. ” Please stop worrying about how clean your home is and just invite someone over. People want friendship more than they want spotless floors. Quit worrying about whatever is splattered in your microwave. In her book Welcome Home, Myquillyn Smith aka The Nester writes, “Hospitality is a high form of trust. It says, Here’s my mess, here are my unfinished things, and here’s the truth about me. Knowing you better is worth risking your knowing me better. If you’re a Christian inviting other Christians into your home, you’re inviting your brothers and sisters in Christ to share a meal with you. I don’t know about you, but I’m not that worried about how my house looks if my brother comes over. He’s my brother. We’re siblings for life. If I have a pile of dishes in the sink I’m not worried that he will think less of me. Which brings me to my next point: your value as a human being does not change if your home is messy. Now let’s talk about practical solutions if a messy or dirty house is keeping you from inviting people to come over to your home. If you want to have people over, but you’re in a season of life where time doesn’t permit you to clean up as much as you’d like, pretend it’s May 2020 and invite a friend to have lemonade with you on your porch. Remember hanging out with friends outside? Sometimes people use the strategy of inviting people over as motivation to clean. I totally get that. I do get more clutter put away when we’re having people over for dinner than I do if we’re just cleaning up for ourselves. But seriously, people are more important than things. Invite someone  into your home. You’ve heard it a thousand times and it’s still good advice: stop worrying about what other people think. Maybe your house really, truly is dirty, but you want to show hospitality and need solutions. You’re aware the place won’t look like an Instagram post, but you want it to be better, more welcoming and less germy. Just clean one toilet and one sink. That only takes five minutes, and it’s really all you have to do in my opinion. Bonus if you can take 60 seconds to clean the mirror and put out a clean hand towel. Don’t have time for laundry and need a clean hand towel for your bathroom? Get thee to a Dollar Tree for a pack of disposable guest towels. They’re like paper napkins, but rectangles. Still have a few minutes? Wipe off the table and kitchen counters. Boom. Clean enough. Next, can you outsource something? Could you pay a child fifty cents to vacuum? Do you have a roomba that could vacuum for you? I’ve trained my kids to pick up the main living area before someone comes over. Usually I say, “I need you to pick up all of the cars and put them in the car drawer so Mrs. Jones doesn’t trip when she gets here in twenty minutes.” They’re great helpers because we’ve practiced preparing for guests so often. Finally, please know that you can show hospitality with a messy home. You can make people feel welcome no matter what your home looks like. Do you have a cleaning trick before company comes over? What holds you back from showing hospitality?