What do you do when no one shows up? Sometimes our offers of hospitality are rejected. You send an evite and people respond “maybe” and never commit and never show up. Or you invite a bunch of people from church to come over for lunch after Sunday service and none of them come. You start to wonder if you are off putting in some way. Or you get mad and think everyone is selfish and unkind. Perhaps you are so tired of not having true community that you consider leaving your church.
When your hospitality is rejected, it is painful. Our feelings get hurt when we try to demonstrate hospitality and no one wants it. I have been there. It’s a struggle to respond appropriately.
Take it to the Lord. Pray about the situation. Ask God to help you with your feelings and show you how he would have you demonstrate hospitality in the future. Read books about hospitality like The Gospel Comes With a House Key by Rosario Butterfield or True Community by Jerry Bridges. Listen to a sermon on Romans 12:13.
Some churches are great at showing hospitality and “doing life together”, but some aren’t. Several of my friends in churches across the country have experienced a couple of lonely years. It’s heartbreaking. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of loneliness and disappointment. You are not the only one who invites people into your home only to have your hospitality rejected. It took me many years to develop close friendships in my church, and the primary way I developed these friendships was through hospitality.
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:8-9 ESV
If you’re in a church and struggling to get to know the other parishioners, pray about it. If God can part the Red Sea, he can change the hearts of a church to make people more hospitable. Perhaps you could ask an elder or women’s ministry leader if there’s a community group you could join or start.
Practically speaking about rejected hospitality, there’s a few things I recommend. First, cast a wide net, meaning invite several different people and/or families when you host something. I prefer a mix of old friends and new acquaintances. This isn’t always possible, especially if you’ve moved to a new area. But don’t give up. Keep offering hospitality. Try inviting a different group or family next time. Maybe make it a mix of people from church and neighbors. Make your gathering a blend of singles, young couples and retirees. (Sidenote: retirees are delightful guests because they will not stay until late.) Persevere. It is painful when our offers of friendship and welcoming are rejected, but you will get through it. God can use this disappointment for good.
My experiences of hospitality being rejected made me more aware of the importance of hospitality and extremely grateful for anyone who invited me to do anything. My husband and I are not taking it for granted when people want to spend time with us. Any time someone invites us over we try to say yes. If we can’t, we try to suggest another day or time that would work for our family. When we had babies we left gatherings early to put the kids to bed, but we showed up when someone invited us over.
And my final tip: if you’re hosting something and you have reason to believe people are going to flake on you, babysit your guests before the event. What I mean by that is, text and email reminders saying something like, “I’m looking forward to seeing you Tuesday for dinner!” Give them a printed or handwritten invitation and a text message reminder. Reach out through multiple mediums.
Have you ever had your hospitality rejected? How do you cope when this happens? I’d love for you to send me an email at tacohospitality@gmail.com or chat about this on Instagram.
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